friendships should feel easy
i recently texted a friend. and was put off by the reply. the younger me would've reacted. the older (wiser hopefully) me knows better.
with some friends it feels so easy to be yourself. it feels fun. you are happy when you see them. they aren't fair weathered friends, they have seen you at your lowest and made a conscious choice to be there for you.
but if you get that uneasy feeling every time this person texts or calls. if you constantly find yourself walking on eggshells or having to defend who you are or what you stand for with a friend. i'm sorry to say that friendship has run its course.
you also realize some people never really change. they are playing out very similar patterns in their life and forcing you along for the ride.
i can count on one hand the number of 'friends' i have. and as i grow older i'm also becoming better at drawing boundaries. i stop myself from being triggered. the best part of being an adult is that you have the freedom to choose. you no longer have to participate when you see them playing out their patterns. the freedom to walk away without having to explain yourself. no one can force you to do anything, really.
i'm sorry dear friend. but i get this sinking feeling that we are done. i rejoice the times we have had. i need to mourn this loss. this is unlike a romantic break-up. i've lived long enough to know there is no definite end to a friendship, but you feel it in your being you no longer have a connection, your heart is no longer in sync and although we speak the same language we hear different things. i can no longer understand you, my dear friend.