how to accept when good things happen to you
i was talking to my therapist today about how i feel uncomfortable when somebody calls me a writer. we went into this whole discussion about how it’s quite likely that i’m not accepting things in many different domains of my life. if i’m not accepting things in one specific domain, i’m probably also not accepting them in others. that felt quite true because i was doing all these things in my career—writing and creating content on instagram and tiktok—but something was holding me back. i wanted recognition, sure, but i also felt like i didn’t want too much recognition, if that makes sense.
i have been writing a blog for the last ten years, and for the longest time, the only people who read it were friends who already had the link. but right now, when i look at my guestbook, i see so many people commenting. i started feeling all these expectations and thinking, "oh my god, so many people are reading... do i have to match their expectations? will i lose my authentic voice if i start writing for an audience?"
there was something my therapist said that really stood out to me. she said there are two ways you can handle this. first, be aware that others' perceptions are influencing you, and just be your own authentic self. or, you can just stop resisting. stop resisting and just feel the attention you’re getting. monitor what is happening to you internally when you receive it openly.
i felt like i was leaning towards the second option—where i’m just going to accept whatever is happening in my life right now. i’ve tried so hard in so many different areas of my life for this recognition, and now that it’s finally happening, i’m not accepting it, i’m just panicking. this blog is about acceptance, i guess.
i think it has a lot to do with self-sabotage. i thought i was over it, but it seems that i am actually not. i’m still engaging in some sort of self-sabotage instead of accepting the good things that happen in my life.
if you are somebody like me, in a position where certain things are starting to work for you but you're getting into a cycle of resistance, please stop and just accept whatever is happening. you deserve it. don’t let your mind trick you into thinking otherwise.